The Science of Santa Claus

As a high school junior in physics class, we were released from classes for Christmas break with a short scientific analysis of the plausibility of Santa Claus. I admit, slightly shamefully, I wish I had the personality to be able to come up with these because I really quite enjoy these sorts of reality checks. Alas, I did not come up with this one, but I repost it for your reading pleasure from another website, credited below:

No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn’t (appear) to handle Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total — 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that is 91.9 million homes. One presumes there’s at least one good child in each.

Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75½ million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.

This means that Santa’s sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest manmade vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second — a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN times their normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload — not even counting the weight of the sleigh — to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison — this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance — this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth’s atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer with absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

 From http://www.chainreactionbicycles.com/santaclaus.htm 

My conclusion to all this: it's more plausible that God became man, remaining both fully God and fully man, and that a virgin conceived this child and gave birth to him, all throughout this process remaining a virgin, than Santa Claus existing.

Finding Nemo and the Wonder of Discovery

Finding Nemo

My favorite Pixar movie is "Finding Nemo". I know, everyone from my generation would probably beat me senseless over such blasphemy because my favorite Pixar film should be "Toy Story". (actually, I might like "Toy Story 2" better than the first one; double blasphemy!) It might be because it's been years since I've seen either of the two first Toy Story films, but nonetheless, "Finding Nemo" finds itself at the top of the list. And why not? It's a visually beautiful film, Thomas Newman's score is soothingly serene, and where else would you learn that clown fish aren't really that funny?

But I like it for a different reason. Yes, I'm typically attracted to visually appealing films and pretty soundtracks, but this film had re-awoken something in me that few other films have touched upon: my inner boyhood.

No sooner had the film finished than I was on YouTube, clicking through National Geographic videos of marine life (especially whales), reigniting my boyish curiosity and wonder. The diversity of the multitudinous marine species was astounding to me, even now.

The instructional drawing book my
mother gave me in 1st grade.

As a boy, I was a science nerd. Anything I could get my hands on, I'd just eat up whatever knowledge I could. Ocean wildlife, though one of many topics, was definitely one of my favorites. I dreamed of becoming a marine biologist and working with undersea creatures.

This got me to thinking. Throughout my liberal arts education, I've become painfully aware of the havoc wrought by the modern era. To be fair, there have been some excellent technological advances in the modern age, but to also be fair, there have been some fatal errors in thought that have brought about many modern-day horrors (the Holocaust, moral-relativism, communism, etc.) The one that quickly came to mind was the scientific method.

The scientific method is based on the notion of inductive reasoning, which takes individual observations, makes a general statement (hypothesis) about them, then creates an experiment to test the statement. If properly used, inductive reasoning is a powerful tool for science. This is primarily what is meant by the Scientific Revolution of the Renaissance. It is true that human innovation and technology have advanced more in the past 500 years than in any given 500 years in recorded human history. And it may be true that the power of inductive reasoning is to be given credit for this. However, with the expansion of man's ability to innovate has also come the expansion of man's insatiable desire for material things.

It's not wonder that technological engineering has become the religion of the world. Material gods such as the iPhone, the personal computer, the Blu-Ray, the social network, the feeding of the world's hungry, and even the cure for cancer have driven science to fulfill our material needs. I do not despise the iPhone/computer/Blu-Ray/social network (I possess all four) or ending world hunger/curing cancer. These are not evils in themselves, but they certainly are what we make of them. (and yes, I believe that even the search for a cure for cancer can be corrupted by our desire to cheat death) At the end of the day, the modern world asks of science, "Does it make life easier?"

When was the last time we did something just because we wanted to satisfy our wonder and curiosity? Inductive reasoning tends to rob us of our natural wonder and awe because we hope for results we've already predicted in a hypothesis. We've forgotten that part of ourselves that is always seeking answers; the inquisitive little boy or girl in all of us.

Maybe it isn't science that you're curious or inquisitive about. Maybe you grew up wanting to be a famous artist, and now you're a marketing major or working for a graphic design firm. Or maybe you loved learning about history and ancient cultures, and now you're a politician or a lawyer. Or maybe you are like me, growing up as an inquisitive junior scientist and mathematician, but now you're an engineer or a doctor. If we allow it, we can lose our curiosity.

And is life worth living if we ignore our questions? Yes, our curiosity is insatiable and that's one of the things that makes us human, but feeding that desire fills the soul with wonder. It enables us to see past ourselves and our wants/needs and draws our focus to see the world as it really is: filled to the brim and overflowing with spectacles and amazement unparalleled by any other. Whether it's the depth of space or the ocean, the thick rain forests of South America or the grassy savanna of the African plains, the changes in the weather or the changes in the nucleus of the atom in a nuclear reaction, the world is full of natural wonders to be marveled at.

And return to that innocent inquisitiveness is possible. We can learn things, solely for the sake of knowing and satisfying that curious little boy or girl inside. Just begin by asking yourself: how old are sea turtles?

College Life: A Survival Guide

It's been over a year since I've graduated college and having lived in the real world for some time now, I've realized what lifestyle practices have served me well and which I could probably have used a do-over on. These are just a few lessons I learned that illustrate this (some humorous, some serious):

1. Don't drink from the Tupperware bin
Whatever is in it, it doesn't concern you. Either there's not enough alcohol in it to make a difference (because your host was cheap) or there's too much alcohol in it for you to handle (because your host wants to get you plastered) or that guy who just did a keg stand got sick and couldn't make it to the toilet... Any way you look at it, drinking from open containers at a social gathering of complete strangers is a poor idea.

2. Go to class
As you begin to pay loans, typically 6 months after you graduate, you'll begin to realize how much of that money you paid to sleep in, take an extended lunch break by playing Halo or Call of Duty, or start the weekend festivities 3 hours early. You might hate that philosophy class at 8:30 MWF, but trust me, going to that class and learning something will make the burden of paying off your student loans more bearable. And who knows: your 5-year highschool reunion trivia contest might consist of identifying the author of the phrase "Cogito, ergo sum". Just imagine the bragging rights....

3. Get involved
Join a club, perform community service, play intramural sports/go to a college sporting event, or explore the various social opportunities offered by your university/college. If you graduate and the only change in scenery was the venue of this weekend's slosh-fest or the variations in the mess of your dorm room, you'll have missed an excellent opportunity to get in the habit of trying new things and being a true risk-taker. By not going to the parties, you will try most things that people don't dare to think possible on a weekend evening, such as, actually having a good time.

The Basilica of the Sacred Heard [left] and the Golden Dome [right] at the University of Notre Dame

4. "Beer Before Liquor Only Makes You Sicker"
I've suddenly forgotten why I know this one...

5. Exercise and eat well
This is difficult depending on your major and where you go to school. As a physics-philosophy major at the University of Notre Dame (with one of the best food services in the country), it was easy to not exercise much (because of all the homework associated with my majors) and eat poorly (because of the ready availability of so much good-tasting, unhealthy food). Also, watch how much you drink because alcoholic beverages are full of all sorts of fattening carbs/sugars/etc. The "Freshman-15" is not a joke. I gained it while running varsity track and field at St. Louis University (granted, the food was awful there). It's real.

6. Coffee is your friend
None of the sugar from "energy drinks", all of the caffeine, and it's good for you! For those late study nights, cramming for organic chemistry or as an excuse for a social outing, coffee is wholesome and fun!

7. Get a head start on good habits

No matter who you are, college is a crucial time in your life. Odds are, you are away from home or you are spending a substantial amount of time without parental supervision/guidance. I love my parents and I considered this aspect of college to be a particularly awesome thing. This is because I've always looked up to my parents and I want to be just like them some day. The first step to doing this, however, is to actively seek to develop good practices and habits. What you do with the first few years of your freedom will help you (or haunt you) for the rest of your life. And I think that's really the best piece of advice I can give in this post, so I'll end with that.

"Dan-Dan the Science Man"

Halloween, circa 1997

Once upon a time, I was a youth. And an inquisitive youth, at that. I was a bit of a science nut (see above picture). If that's not proof enough, my typical birthday and Christmas list consisted of scientific encyclopedias. My favorite 7th birthday present was a chemistry set, and no matter how many times I combined baking soda and vinegar, the reaction still made me giddy every time. My parents encouraged this scientific wonder and did everything they possibly could to enable me.

I didn't watch a whole lot of TV when I was young, and what I did watch was mainly on PBS. But the 90's had some awesome science shows for kids that really stoked my curiosity and interest. First of which was "Bill Nye the Science Guy". He was always hilarious and the show was designed for the short attention span (which is important, to make science fun for those who would otherwise not take an immediate liking to it). I think the most memorable part of the shows were always the "Did you know that..." segments, followed by "NOW YOU KNOW". Great memories and I occasionally use that voice in conversation to my own embarrassment because nobody else knows what I'm talking about. 

The second show that had a strong influence on my scientific interests was "The Magic School Bus". Ms. Frizzle, a "crazy ginger" grade school science teacher, and her pet chameleon, Liz, took the kids on the best science field trips not possible in the Magic School Bus (not to be confused with the Who's "Magic Bus"). From the bottom of the ocean to the desert and the rain forest, from inside plants to inside the human body, the Magic School bus went everywhere a kid like me wanted to know more about. The adjacent video is the episode of their journey around the solar system. And in finding this video, I just discovered that many of the Magic School Bus episodes are on YouTube. THIS IS AWESOME.

In middle school, my parents got me Stephen Hawking's book, "A Brief History of Time". The book contains chapters on elementary particles, 4 dimensional spacetime, the expansion of the universe, and my two favorite topics: black holes and wormholes. Needless to say, the book was mostly over my head and took me a whole year to finish. But I enjoyed every chapter, and after a substantial amount of highschool physics education, I returned to the book, and retained most of its content (but still with a substantial portion being beyond my comprehension). The above-listed TV shows and this book and prepped me for exactly what I wanted to do for an occupation. I wanted to be a scientist and if possible, a physicist.

Sadly, it was not meant to be. I was not made of the stuff of collegiate physicists and I struggled throughout my college career to make decent grades in my physics classes. I realized during my first semester of junior year at Notre Dame while taking only 12 hours worth of classes, three of them being physics classes, and still having a very difficult time. By that time, I had already taken on philosophy as a second major and was just getting my feet wet, but I was thoroughly enjoying it as a new focus of my academic interests. I enjoy philosophy very much, though sometimes, I feel like physics and science in general was "that old beloved study that got away".

However, recently, I've gotten into the BBC show "Top Gear" which is about cars. I didn't care much for cars when I started watching it last summer on Netflix, but the presenters of the show were so funny, it was hard to pass up. (now I actually do love cars) But one of the presenters, James May, aka Captain Slow, aka the Spaniel, is a bit of a science nerd. He always seemed to be the most knowledgeable of the three about the science behind the different cars and the physics they employ to work. It was to my astonishment and amazement that James May actually hosts other TV programs that focus on science. (thank you, Erich Suellentrop for this!) The show is called "James May's 'Things You Need to Know'" and the three episodes of the first series are on YouTube. And the episode on "Things You Need to Know About the Universe" is posted here in its entirety. Seeing this took me back to my childhood days of watching awesome science television programs that were engaging, fun, and always held my interest. I've come to realize that my love for science, though not collegiate in caliber, still has no shortage of pure wonder and is just as active as when I was a boy.

Special thanks to my mother and father for their encouragement of this passion!