Maybellene: A Young Man's Car

This post is a portion of a larger untitled work in progress and a continuation of the previously published post, My First Car ...

Having driven my car for nearly nine months now, I can honestly and realistically notice those personality traits that make her special. I say ‘her’ because all cars driven by young men must be feminine, and her name is Maybellene. It had taken me nine months to arrive at this name, but it was well worth the wait. Unique and memorable, I named her after the Chuck Berry song of the same title, which in turn acquired its name from the popular cosmetic brand. It was Berry’s first rock and roll hit and was influential in developing the genre.

Just as the song lyrics suggest however, there are a few problems with Maybellene. Although her exterior is sleek and her upholstery is sexy red leather, the rest of the interior is made of plastic. Well, one has to cut costs somewhere, but the areas of primary concern are the door handles, both inside and outside. Without a doubt, they will see the most wear and tear of the entire car, so it would only have been fitting if they were made of a more durable material. And in the frozen winter, between the ice forming on the outside handles and the increased brittleness, one must be very gentle.

Maybellene’s sunroof is also a constant source of her infidelity. The mechanism works well enough, but it is the shutter on the inside of the car that fails to operate properly. It is made from two separate pieces of board, one sliding over the other when opened. However, Hyundai somehow made this design very unreliable as the two pieces frequently came apart and jammed the whole mechanism. Thus, the sunroof has not seen as much use as I would like.

Another cosmetic issue with poor Maybellene is a circular piece of plastic that has come apart in her headlight. Originally, the ornamental ring was fixed around the low beam headlight, but it had never been fully fixed to the bezel since I got her. In an attempt to correct this, the entire piece came loose and began to roll freely within the epoxy sealed headlight. After hours of fruitless attempts to return the piece to its original place without breaking the moisture-proof epoxy seal between the lens and the bezel, I only succeeded in scratching the plastic ring and the bezel with a rusty coat hanger. 

Of comparable sports cars, Maybellene has the sportiest form I have ever seen by far. However, sportiness makes the driver sacrifice ride comfort. The suspension of the car feels pretty shoddy, though I am not sure what else I would expect from a sports car built for high-responsiveness, grip, and performance. A lot of the times, the ride does not bother me significantly, but from time to time, roads have not been properly made. Rough roads always cause me significant worry about what kind of damage is being done to my poor Maybellene.

Finally, there is the sad fact that Maybellene only has a four-speed gear box. One arrives at 45 mph and jumping into 4th gear, that’s all she has for you. You’re up at 3000 rpm, then 3500 rpm, then 4000 rpm, and there’s just no next gear. This is probably for the best, though. I’m pretty sure I’d have more than two speeding tickets if I had been given even one more gear to tempt me.

"Maybellene" on the day I got her

These foibles make Maybellene a real car, though; for no car is without her faults. It gives the machine a personality and a temperament, but despite these shortcomings, the most influential factors on the car’s persona are those that make you fall in love again, just like the day you got it.

I suppose I cannot say enough about the leather interior. It gives Maybellene that sultry debonairness that is tailor fit for young men. The “black widow” red-black color scheme assures you that if Maybellene is going to be the one to kill you, she’s going to do it with both visually-pleasing and sensational fashion in a James Dean-esque ball of fire, and the red leather interior plus bucket seats has much to do with that embracing experience.

Something else that is evident about Maybellene is that she’s not a mother or a nanny: she’s just a girl. She warns you that your seat belt might be off, but she is not incessant about the reminder, just a couple chimes of sweet concern for a few seconds. She knows you’re an independent man and she cannot tell you to do something when you don’t want to do it. She’s just not the nagging type.

Though I mentioned Maybellene’s limited four-speed gear box earlier as a regrettable idiosyncrasy of hers, I must also mention that it is a “select-shift” four-speed gear box, which makes all the difference. Sometimes, a man like me wants to be in complete control, but I’d rather not get embroiled in the minor details. Take operating a clutch, for instance: it is a detail about manual transmission automobiles that I have never handled with any amount of grace or success because I do not care to give it that much attention. With the select-shift mode, I let Maybellene handle those little details, and I just concern myself with shifting down on the tight corner, hunkering down to zip right into the ensuing straight-away.

It is often said that a young man’s first car is his first step to independence and freedom; that with this car, he was proceeding from boyhood to manhood. Therefore, it was important to choose this first car wisely, despite frequently constraining financial means, because this car was going to mean something sentimental to the driver, no matter how appalling or flawed. Maybellene, though, has proven a true companion, one with whom my adrenaline-fueled, thrill-seeking, speed-craving young life will be better spent. 

King Quinlan

My door in St. Edward's as decorated by Kyle
and Patrick after my 2nd LSAT

William Shakespeare, a writer that I greatly admire, once said, “Be not afraid of greatness; some are born great, some achieve greatness, and others have greatness thrust upon them."

My ‘greatness’ was thrust upon me.

It is not with pride that I publish this account because it does not seem entirely appropriate that I have been given this title. Rather, I write on this topic to “let everyone in” on the inside joke that is my undeserved nickname and the namesake for half of the title of my blog.

Kyle, Herald of the King and Servant of the Kingdom, and Dan, Knight of the Kingdom, (if I have a title, it's only fair that they have ones too) in the year 2011 gave me the title of “King Quinlan” on the event of our yearly pilgrimage to Washington DC, to bear witness to the life of unborn children and the atrocities committed against these innocents (aka, the March for Life). The night before the march, men and women mingled in the men’s sleeping quarters until well after time permitted in our school’s student rulebook. Some men were attempting to retire to be ready for the early morning ahead; however their attempts were in vain as the incessant giggles and cries from the nearby women made sleep impossibly elusive.

At this injustice, I rose to action. Finding the nearest chair, I mounted it with arms outstretched, to be seen by all the transgressors.

“Everyone, it is now 12:15 AM, fifteen minutes past our school’s parietal policy for weekdays. Since this is a school sponsored field trip, the rules of Du Lac still apply. We have guys trying to sleep here, so the women in the area will need to either go back to their own sleeping quarters or find somewhere else to socialize.”

A young woman with an exasperated expression replied, “But we have nowhere else to go.”

I paused, attempting to determine what bearing this had on what I had just said. Giving up trying to reconcile nonsense with reason, I replied.

“Well, you will just have to find somewhere else to go.”

And with that, the crowd dispersed and the men were allowed peace. It was deemed by Kyle and Dan that I had handled the conflict with such a firm conviction and regal presence that thenceforth, I was given the title of King Quinlan.

However, like Prince “Harry” of Shakespeare’s plays before he became King Henry V, I was not always as kindly and virtuous.

I was a brash, hot-tempered youth. Following a traumatizing sophomore year, I had learned to despise a group of individuals known collectively as the “bros”. They were deplorable individuals who gave themselves to drinking and lewd activities every weekend, and it was such a weekend as these when they incurred my wrath.

I had retired for the evening, as had my roommate Patrick, the King’s Court Fool. It was about 4 AM when there was a loud commotion in the hallway outside our door. The bros had returned from their night of debauchery and were looking to make more trouble.

They sought to disturb a senior who lived across the hall from me and Patrick by finding a nearby vacuum cleaner and turning it on outside his door. They pounded thunderously upon his door and jeered at him. This went on for nearly 10 minutes without any sign of the arrival of hall authorities to put an end to this madness. Fully awake and angry now, I leapt from my 8 foot high loft, flung open the door, and entered the guilty hallway in naught but a pair of shorts.

Consumed by unfathomable rage, I cannot recall exactly what I said upon my appearance. I do remember that whatever it was, I had used such profuse profanity that the transgressors immediately ceased their depravities and met my fury with surprise and uncertainty. I could feel every muscle in my body strained, resisting the urge to enter the throng of at least a dozen miscreants and commit violence to each of them. With vulgar bellowing, I advanced upon them and forced most of them to retreat.

Scott, alone, defied me.

Of all those previously present, Scott despised me the most. I had never injured him, so it always puzzled me as to why he hated me. It actually was he that had stolen my Xbox the previous semester and used it for his own purposes in his room. Of course, the established social understanding among this group was that whatever belonged to one, by default, was accessible to all. I never agreed with this policy and Scott had frequently taken advantage of my belongings. Thus, I deprived his sense of entitlement to whatever he desired and invited his derision.

Now, three yards separated Scott and me in the deserted hallway.

“Go on! Get out of here!” I shouted at him.

With eyes glassed over, he slurred a reply, “It’s a free hallway.”

With deft agility, I closed the distance between us in a moment and was now close enough to smell the repulsive combination of Kamchatka vodka and Keystone beer on his brutish breath.

“No, it’s not,” I trembled with rage, “It’s MY [expletive] hallway! Now get the [expletive] out!”

With each word, he cringed as I involuntarily spewed him with venomous spittle. Thankfully, this had the desired effect because he drunkenly turned and stumbled in the same general direction as his friends. Had he not moved, I dread to think of what might have happened next.

Upon my return to the room, Patrick had remained silent. We had only known one another for a few weeks, and I imagine this event had cast some doubt on my general mental health. Kyle, who lived in a room next door to the commotion, also later bore witness to these events, but it was only well into our friendship that the topic of that night arose. He had not realized that it was I who had walked out into the hallway, surging with wrathful madness. We shared a good laugh over the incident and it became only greater cause for the royal title. Though I am certainly not proud of my intemperate behavior, I have endeavored since then to become more level-headed, and I am largely succeeding in this task.

All such incidents aside, though, I regret to admit that the title of King is primarily due to my manner of speech. As is the habit of the Quinlan family, I have a tone that exudes confidence and the force of truth. I rarely begin my thoughts with the words, “I think that” or “I feel like”. To me, this seems repetitive and unnecessary because anything that I say is, of course, my own statement.

This linguistic style and confidence, I have been told, creates an air of authority to my statements. My self-assuredness and lack of soft language projects each word as one of ironclad truth, unassailable by any argument. Even on topics which I have no practical experience on, I make an estimation as to a reasonable position and defend it.

However, this strength of tone often appears as arrogance to many. I will be the first to admit that truthfully, at times, my words carry at least a tinge of haughtiness. However, I do not apologize for my self-confidence, the root of this character of speech. It is sad to see many unwilling to engage in open debate with others for fear of conflict. I carry myself in a way that I hope others will follow.

Every man must be ruler and king of himself. If a man is apprehensive of the slight breezes that barely change the course of his ship, how will he weather the torrential gales and roaring maelstroms of life? A king can have no subjects under his governance until he learns to govern himself properly in the sight of God. As I have not yet learned to rule myself completely with justice, I claim no subjects as my own, but with all eagerness, I welcome into my court those willing to receive my love and affection.

A Few Things You Didn't Know About Your Passwords

Passwords are used in email accounts, online shopping, social networking sites, online banking, etc. They, and other methods of authentication, are used to protect information available on the world wide web from unauthorized viewing. However, many people have relatively simple and insecure passwords that might not stand up to the various password attacks that malicious user are capable of. Among these attacks are brute force, dictionary, and hybrid.

Brute Force Attack

A brute force attack is a method of password cracking that tries every possible combination for a password. To illustrate, a brute force cracking software may begin cracking a password with the the following: a. Then, it might try, b. Then, c. (I'm sure you can see where this is going) A brute force attack will simply mindlessly go down a list of characters and enter those as guesses.Once it exhausts all possible one-character passwords, it moves to two character passwords (i.e., aa, ab, ac, ad, etc....). There is a significantly larger number of possible two-character password combinations than there are one-character password combinations. This additional length makes it more secure. This can be, by far the most time-consuming password attack, but given enough time, it will eventually succeed. 

Dictionary Attack

A dictionary attack uses a word list to crack passwords. The software references the words in the list to form its guesses. (i.e. dog, cat, bear, etc.) Often, some dictionary attack software will be able to append random numbers or symbols before or after dictionary words, thus making passwords like coffee22 a very weak password if the word coffee is in the attackers word list. Often, these word lists are not user-generated, giving them the potential to be very large and extremely exhaustive. Regardless of whether the words in a given password are obscure or not, it is highly likely that it is contained somewhere in an attacker's word list.

Hybrid Attack

A hybrid attack combines the use of dictionary words and symbols to allow for the replacement of certain letters with symbols. This attack is very helpful against passwords written in "l33t speak". An example of a l33t speak password is the following: k!ngsc0ff33. Certain letters have been replaced by either a number or a symbol so that an actual word is not formed, thus defeating a simple dictionary attack. However, hybrid attack software has the ability to take a dictionary word list and make numero-symbolic replacements of particular letters: 3 for e or E, @ for a or A, 1 or ! for i/I or l/L, and so on. This makes the above-mentioned password example very susceptible to cracking.

How to create a secure password

First, a secure password must have a proper length. It is recommended that your password consist of at least 8 characters. Assuming that your password is properly complex enough (such that dictionary and hybrid attacks are impossible), a 8-character password can take up to 11 yrs to crack (assuming that the cracking software takes into account all 26 letters, both upper and lower case, 0-9, and basic punctuation). This number, of course, changes depending on how many computers are working together to crack the password, but even with 50 computers at at 2,800,000 passwords attempts a second, it still would take up to 75 days to crack the password. And typical password-changing policies recommend at the most 60-day password changes, so your password might very well get changed before the attacker has a chance to crack your password.

In addition, dictionary words and dictionary words written in l33t speak are highly discouraged. It is recommended that you include numbers and punctuation in your password, but not as replacements for letters in a word. Instead, it it best to use them sporadically in a password to make it more complex and less susceptible to dictionary/hybrid attacks.

With all this talk about security, it is easy to forget about the need for a password to be memorable so it's not forgotten. Although increasing the character length above 8 characters will make the password more difficult to brute force, it often is unnecessary (and in the case that the password is 14 characters worth of dictionary words, this will be defenseless against a dictionary attack). So, 8 characters will do the trick.

Here's an example of how to form secure, but memorable passwords.

ilcvm (I begin with a memorable word or short phrase; acronyms can also be helpful; this one stands for "i love coffee very much")

IlcVM (I make some of the letters uppercase; this is made memorable because the acronym would appear as "I love coffee VERY MUCH")

IlcVM11 (include some numbers such as your favorite number)

&IlcVM11 (add punctuation)

Creating a final password of : &IlcVM11. The only way this password is going to get cracked is by using the brute force method, which will take a very long time to crack.

Now go change your password and secure your data!!

A Few Things You Didn't Know About Your iPhone

It seems like everyone nowadays has an iPhone. We're constantly using it keeping tabs on our Facebook, Twitter, email, blogs (guilty as charged), and so on. But do you realize that our iPhones are also keeping tabs on us? It's true. Here are a few interesting things you didn't know about your iPhone.

Location Services menu

Location Services stores GPS locations on your phone

Whenever you have Location Services turned on, your iPhone begins to take and store your GPS locations and the date/times you were at those locations on the hard drive of the phone. Because coordinates of longitude and latitude are such small memory items, you iPhone can store hundreds of these locations!

The average 4-character PIN takes at the maximum 30 minutes to crack

One might think, "Ok, then I'll just set my iPhone to wipe itself after 10 failed passcode attempts have been made." Unfortunately, this won't necessarily work. Software exists that can access the encrypted password file of the iPhone. So instead of entering every possible PIN combo into the lock screen (which after 10 attempts, would cause the iPhone to wipe), it picks a random PIN to try, uses the iPhone encryption algorithm, and compares it to the encrypted password file to see if it's a match.

"Cydia" app store for jailbroken iPhones

Jailbreaking substantially decreases the overall security of your iPhone 

Jailbreaking is the process of installing 3rd-party software onto an iPhone to unlock restricted features. It allows the user to install custom apps that cannot be found in the iTunes store and to customize various features of the iPhone. However, this process creates a gaping hole in iPhone security. iPhone system software is basically made up of two parts: system files and user files (music, apps, pictures, etc). There is a lot of separation between the two in an non-jailbroken iPhone. However, in a jailbroken iPhone, apps are able to interact with system software components (for example, an app may be allowed to track your emails, call history, text history, and even alert an attacker when you are making a call so that he/she can listen in).

Find My iPhone

To prevent data theft and privacy compromise, there is one app out there developed by Apple that can help you track your iPhone if it's lost/stolen. The app is called (simply enough) "Find My iPhone". Thought there are other features to this app, the most interesting ones include the ability to remotely locate your lost iPhone via GPS (provided that Location Services is enabled for this app), remotely lock your iPhone if it's unlocked, or remotely wipe all your personal data from your iPhone. There are, however, a few drawbacks to this app. First, to locate your iPhone, you need another iOS device with "Find My iPhone" installed on it. Odds are, though, if you don't have another iTouch/iPad, one of your friends has an iPhone and you can use theirs. Secondly, this doesn't work if your iPhone is off. Thirdly, if you have a 4-character passcode on your iPhone, it will be cracked quickly and once it is cracked, the user can put your phone into Airplane Mode which will disable any radio communication to and from the iPhone and, effectively, this app. 

My recommendation for an ultra-secure iPhone: install Find My iPhone and use a complex password (you can set it in the General settings menu under the Passcode Lock submenu by turning "Simple Passcode" off). This way, if your iPhone is stolen, the thief will not be able to effectively crack your password (to put the phone into airplane mode) before you have a chance to either locate it or send the command to remotely wipe your personal data off it.