Great Deeds and Noble Hearts: A Musical Revolution

Remember those stories that had you fill in key words or phrases to create a totally random and hilarious story? It'd typically go something like, "This morning, I woke up to the sound of a     (noun)     while I was dreaming about     (an activity you hate doing)    ..." You would ask a friend to give the your necessary words or phrases without telling him or her the context of the words. When you were finished, you'd read the short story from beginning to end and have a good laugh over it.

I bring this up because I was thinking about what kinds of answers would fill in the blanks if modern popular music provided the answers. Probably something like this:

I was awoken this morning by    tik tok, on the clock, but the party don't stop no   , after a long night of    livin' a Teenage Dream   . I put on my    ripped jeans, skin was showin'    before going downstairs to have some breakfast. Next thing I know, I'm    gonna pop some tags, only got twenty dollars in my pocket   , but before I do, my mom says to me, "   HEYYYY, SEXY LADY!!!!   ".

Ok, maybe this is a silly exercise, so are these lyrics. Although the truth is that you could do this to Shakespeare and he'd look pretty comical, the point is that these are the things were hear from popular music and have been for a very long time.

PSY performing "Gangnam Style"

However, I am sensing a shift in the preferences of a growing portion of today's music lovers, and it's exactly because the younger generations are realizing that life isn't about the instant gratification anymore. They've been there, they've done that for long enough and they're finally over its glamor. So how is this reflected in musical tastes?

Whatever is "popular" appeals to a baser part of our souls. People choose what is "popular" not because it enriches them; rather one chooses what is popular because it is in keeping with the status quo. Since "everyone is doing it", no one is going to criticize or attack your for doing it yourself.

Sometimes, though, this conception of "popular" wavers and falters under the underestimated strength of the human heart. Sometimes, a truthful light shines through and those who are open to it gather around it. I believe that some interesting trends in contemporary can be seen in this way: as encouraging and cultivating inspirations of what we all truly long for in the deepest desires of our hearts.

The first expression of such a longing is in hurt. Artists such as Grace Potter and the Nocturnals and ADELE come to mind here. The primary subject matter of their songs center around themes of sadness, hurt, and loneliness. Broken and shattered amidst the heartbreak in the world, this music expresses confusion and laments, "I often think about where I went wrong, the more I do, the less I know." ("Don't You Remember" - ADELE, click here for full lyrics) Living the disillusioned life has indeed brought about this pain because the indulgence in what is "popular" has promised the maximum pleasure, but only delivers the deepest, cutting pain. This hurt is always present in the shame at who we have become and what we have sacrificed, "'Cause every town's got a mirror and every mirror still shows me, that I am my own ragged company." ("Ragged Company" - Grace Potter and the Nocturnals, click here for full lyrics)

These artists and others have become "popular" because they speak for the hurt and shame that we all have. Their appeal is in their lamenting that we can all identify with. Though it would be a mistake to believe that one day, this is all the world will listen to, this is what a large number of people are gravitating towards because 'misery loves company', and these artists make explicit what lives implicitly in all of our broken souls.

Acknowledgement of one's misery is the first necessary step, but even more imperative is the discover of our innate desire for the good and the willful resolution to obtain it. Florence + the Machine and Mumford & Sons rank among the most popular influences on this genre which encourages people to be "more like the man you were made to be." ("Sigh No More" - Mumford & Sons, click here for full lyrics) It's true, these songs are about pain and hurt, but their defining characteristic is not in complaining to the world about endless woes. Courage is necessary to carry on after being let-down, the ability to pick up the pieces and find peace in carrying on. This kind of music has gained significant popularity because the listener it attracts is "done with [her] graceless heart, so tonight [she's] gonna cut it out and then restart." ("Shake It Out" - Florence + the Machine, click here for full lyrics)

Though we must not fool ourselves into thinking that because a few artists are gaining some traction in popular culture, the whole world will suddenly embrace this truth and desire for the full meaning of our lives, but what I think it does mean is that there is a growing number of people out there who are realizing that their lives have purpose and they are called to acts of heroism and virtue.

A calling to deny those passions that come so easily to us and ascend to lives of greatness and meaning is the heart's true desire. "Party rocking" and living "gangnam style" feed the body, but they leave the soul starving for sustenance. Pop culture is popular and will remain so, as long as it feeds our vices and encourages our lukewarmness. But life's true adventure is proving to ourselves, even when no one is watching, that we were made for great deeds and noble hearts.

Habitual Sins and Contrition

"The Miraculous Draught of Fishes" by Raphael

When one deals with a habitual sin, it can be difficult to arrive at proper contrition. True contrition necessitates that you reject the sin and resolve to never commit it again; however, because of our fallen nature, it is not unlikely that despite our best intentions, we will succumb to temptation and descend into that sin again. We acknowledge this in an attempt to be realistic about ourselves and the situation, but often it gives the effect of despair. The past is gloomy from those sins already committed, the present is dark because we are still committing the sin, and the future looms ominously because this is a habitual sin and the temptation, at least, will most certainly occur again.

What should our outlook be under these circumstances? It is possible the habitual sinner will equate the occurrence of the temptation with the occurrence of the sin itself, assuming the success of the devil’s efforts and an inevitable fall from a state of grace. In this sense, the sinner has already ‘given up’ trying to break the chain of sin formed by habit.

However, the past is only an indication of the trials we will face and not a determination of our future actions. We can certainly look to the past to ascertain the obstacles of the future and even learn from our past failures in terms of what aided us or hindered us from clearing those hurdles.  Though, it is not true that because we have stumbled over the same obstacle again and again, we are incapable of achieving breaks in the chain. It is definitely a slow process and success will be elusive at the beginning, but we must be careful to not assume the devil’s triumph, just because he tempts us.

Therefore, we return to the question of contrition: what should be the elements of our contrition, especially for the difficult case of habitual sins? Peter told Christ, “Depart from me, O Lord, for I am a sinful man.” (Luke 5:8) This certainly seems like despair at first glance, but Peter’s desire to be with Christ is so strong that at his invitation, he leaves everything to follow him. He was so eager to be with Jesus that despite his unworthiness, he was willing to give up all he owned to be with him.

So on the one hand, we must acknowledge our unworthiness; for the slightest sin, much less a habitual sin committed several times, without God’s mercy is enough to damn us to Hell forever. This acknowledgement must not, however, prohibit us from recognizing the profound, all-consuming desire we have for Christ. We may need to apologize seventy times seven times, but we must never cease to proclaim our love for him who loved us so much as to give his life for us. In our sorrow, we must beat our breasts lamenting, “mea culpa” then shout joyously, “Gloria in excelsis Deo!” for His Divine Mercy.

Why Sex is Meant For Marriage, Pt. 2 "Women"

The point was raised in a comment on my first post concerning sex and its proper context, marriage, that has prompted this follow-up post. The claim was that my argument was from the perspective of a man and, therefore, I had only shown that it was right for man to save sex and sexual acts for marriage.

But what about women? Do the same principles apply for women as they do for men? This was a bit trickier for me, a man, to tackle with an argument from experience. I have met women and I have dated women, but I have never been a woman. However, I will draw on from what experience I have to prove in an argument complementary to my first that sex and sexual acts are meant for marriage according to the healthy feminine nature.

First, there some differences between the masculine and feminine natures. These are necessary to point out to show that my first argument in my previous post does not really apply well to women, but more importantly, to outline the challenges unique to a woman. I have often heard it said that men are more logically based than women, and that women can often allow emotion to "overrule their reason". I believe this to be an unfair characterization because it frames women as irrational beings (albeit, at times). In my opinion, it would be more accurate to say that the feminine nature generally favors seeking empathetic understanding with others as opposed to logical agreement. This method of communication can create a deeper connection between two people than a simple "agreement of facts" can. For conciseness though, I claim that men tend to express themselves in logical terms, and women tend to express themselves in terms of their emotional connection to a situation, person, etc.

All the other terms and premises from my previous post apply, such as exclusive uncommitted relationship. If you need a refresher on that one and others, click here.

Ok, now suppose we take the same couple that we considered in my first post in an exclusive uncommitted relationship. As sex and activities leading to sex are frequent, the woman will become charged with emotional stimulation (similar to how the man is physically stimulated). The act is physically pleasant, but the woman primarily draws on the emotional closeness that she feels towards the man. As the emotional attachment grows stronger, the woman needs to be constantly assured of the man's affections for her (which can cause heightened expectations on the man, thus straining the relationship). Ultimately, the exclusive uncommitted relationship is bound to end or see serious hardship. If it ends, regardless of who initiates the break up, the woman will be forced to annihilate the vast emotional bond that she so dearly invested herself in.

The sexual act and acts leading to it inevitably create an emotional bond between the man and the woman. This is a sacred trust that is necessary to being together forever; to invest in and empathize with the joys and sorrows of the other. It is so tight-knit that were it to be broken, both would suffer excruciating emotional turmoil. The sexual act and other associated activities lead to one of two outcomes: (A) a loving, lasting emotional attachment between a man and a woman that allows them to enjoy together emotional sunshine and weather together emotional darkness, or (B) the woman succumbs to insecurity and despair as she searches for a full, lasting emotional commitment in vain.

Considering the path (A), just as with the argument from the masculine perspective, I do not think this option is available to those in an exclusive uncommitted relationship. As soon as the woman consents to any activity leading to sex, she has forsaken, to some degree, her essential dignity as a woman. It is a woman's responsibility, especially in this day and age, to command respect from men by holding them to honorable standards. Women can have, if they choose, a seductive power over men's reason. The feminine nature confounds his reason and ignites his passions. In my experience, this is not a reciprocal attractions, meaning, men do not have this same seductive power over women. (James Bond does not count because he was engineered specifically to give men the notion that they too could make women swoon over them; it doesn't happen) Women, in my experience, may fall for a guy, but they are never as without their wits as a man is before a woman. Thus, in the exclusive uncommitted relationship, the woman has the reigns of Reason and must show the man that she demands his respect and his full commitment to her. Without this respect, that emotional bond will not properly form.

In the case of (B), a woman who has engaged in many sexually active relationships will begin to wonder either what was wrong with the men she has dated or, my more frequent experience, what is wrong with herself. In the pornographic culture that we live in, there is an enormous pressure on women to be flawless. Each successive break up and emotional PTSD will be negotiated with thoughts that she just needs to lose more weight, get plastic surgery, etc. This goes hand-in-hand with the (B) scenario outlined in my first argument. Men will become more critical of their woman's appearance and ultimately, their partner's physical appearance will not be enough for him. A woman will be able to sense this acutely, especially if she is aware of any unfaithful relationships or pornography that the man is engaged in. This will only increase her sense of insecurity. With increasing insecurity, she will steadily set her sights lower and lower and entrust herself to more abusive and baser men, unable to believe that she is worth anything higher. If all her future relationships engage in sexual acts, she will be aware constantly of her physical appearance and remain in deep insecurity regarding her man's expectations and, more importantly, her worthiness of respect.

The repeated "high-stakes" emotional investment for a woman in a sexually active relationship will leave deep scares on her self-esteem, making it difficult for her to take her dignified place as an equal partner in a lasting relationship. A woman must not underestimate the power she has over a man; and it is this power that she must wield responsibly or forfeit it to the man's physical appetites. If a woman does not pick up this charge, then it becomes very difficult for a man to control his passions in the relationship. Though he is no less responsible for reigning in his passions, no man should associate with a woman who fails to hold him accountable for them, and no woman should associate with a man who fails to respect her according to her dignity, body and soul.

Authors Note: Ok, there it is. This is all based on my experiences and careful thought, but it is by no means infallible, whatsoever (a deep contrast to my other writings ;) just kidding) Whatever your thoughts, man or woman, please comment. This is a forum for serious discussion and I'll be the first to submit myself to guidance in this area.

A Guide to Making Friends, Pt. 2: Dealing with Rejection

This post is not necessarily meant as a sequel to my first post on developing friendships, but while writing it, I suppose that's what it became. In my long history of friendships, I've learned some incredibly valuable things. One thing is that when I talk about physics, I scare people away. Another thing is that you shouldn't be too eager to evangelize because people are turned off to that kind of thing. And also, that you can't pay people to be your friends (well, if you want them to be real friends that is).

However, I believe that all of my "lessons learned" don't hold a candle to the priceless understanding that I have acquired regarding rejection (specifically, with friendships, but romantic relationships can fit in here as well). No matter who you are, we've all experienced it.

So, you meet someone you really think is alot of fun (guy or girl, it doesn't matter). They seem to enjoy themselves and you think, "Gee, I'm really attracted to this person's fun-loving nature. I think I want to get to know him/her more." You talk for a little bit and if you're smart, you don't take this as a sure-fire sign that they like you already. They might be conversing with you out of politeness, but that's ok, you're not best buds yet.

Fast-forward a week. You want to get a group of people together or maybe you just want to hang out with this person for some one-on-one time. You call this person to see what they're up to and they say they're busy or maybe that they'll keep your invitation in mind as they figure out their evening/weekend plans. Ultimately, they decide to not hang out with you. And that's the same story for the following weekends until you just decide to give up on them.

Why do people do that?? They never get back to you, they never decide to hang out with you, and they may ignore you at all future gatherings. In other words, they're just really flaky and not committed to forming a friendship with you, despite there seeming to be some initial potential. Unfortunately, I still search for the answer to this question, but my gut tells me that it varies by circumstance. But, it doesn't change the way you feel. Repeat the above-described process a couple more times and it'll kill any motivation you ever had to make friends, especially in a new environment. You feel like you've extended your hand to someone and it's been slapped away or, worse, chopped off. Or maybe you feel like you stuck your neck out for someone with a little generosity, only to have the ax swing and rend your head from your shoulders. It's painful, it hurts, and nobody likes to feel that way.

People can be disappointing. Certainly a depressing thought, but despite all the optimistic thoughts about human beings, I've found this one to be fairly consistent. Therefore, I propose the following thought: let not the measure or worth of your friendship efforts be the responsiveness (or lack of responsiveness) on the part of those whose friendship you pursue. Or in other words, change your operational mindset when making friends.

The approach I propose requires concentration on what each of us is doing to facilitate a welcoming atmosphere to those we wish to befriend. We must polish our approach to people to make them feel welcome. We shouldn't go to social events as if we're going out into the wilderness to "headhunt" for friends. This approach is too aggressive and our intentions will quickly become apparent to those we encounter. They will feel "stalked" or "preyed upon" if we aggressively attempt to make their acquaintance. And obviously, this quality is wholly unattractive in another human being.

When we go out to socialize, we must bring the hospitality of our homes with us. Instead of hoping to slay someone with our charm, wit, and laughter, we should have the mindset of inviting people to us, telling them to pull up a chair, and enjoy one another's company. That's the difference. A "headhunting" friendship approach is based on results; a "home entertainer" friendship approach is based on improving our own merits. Instead of going out to win or conquer friends, we develop our personal generosity and then invite others to join us in our exquisite beneficence. If performed genuinely, this can be deeply gratifying for you, the host. And it will encourage others to open their generosity to you as well.

There are a few key pitfalls to this approach that must be avoided. One may interpret this approach as allowing others to "take, take, take" from your well-meaning. You must keep your dignity here because a successful friendship is never a one-sided engagement. Anyone who is interested in who you are for who you are will naturally be willing to return your kindness with their own form of graciousness. Another is that when realizing that someone is not interested in being your friend, we become bitter and self-righteous, claiming that "they were never deserving of my generosity", so "screw them". This must be avoided at all costs because it robs us of our peace and completely disarms this mindset. It is also indicative of a regression into the "headhunter" mentality, which gets frustrated and resentful when results are not achieved. If you do not have peace with this approach, then you're not doing it right.

There are many other benefits to this mindset as well. One benefit is that as long as you have purged your intentions of any "headhunting" tendencies, you will be better equipped to deal with rejection better. If someone isn't open to you good will, you can move on because you weren't concerned with "conquering" them to begin with. Instead, you can turn your efforts to other prospects. Secondly, since this approach is focused on our own service and merit offerings, we can seek to make friends and deal with rejection dispassionately. If someone refuses your generosity, look elsewhere for those who can appreciate your hospitality. We can be resistant to bitterness and emboldened against rejection. Also, this emboldenment will necessarily boost our self-esteem and self-image. We can become confident in what we have to offer other people and sure of our own merits.

If you are in a new environment or just looking to make friends, I highly recommend that you give this approach an honest try.

"Temptation"

Courtesy of www.toeverytribeblog.com

Temptation

Though they say, “the road to Hell is paved with good intentions,”

None were quite as good as mine.

Though I assured Father I would offend and lapse no more,

I lie, famished, with the swine.

Though my heart, in trials, yearns for your intervention,

To my grim fate, I resign.

Though I lift my eyes to your glory to gladly adore,

I descend to acts, malign.

But though I walk in the dark forest of my own blunders,

In shade, does Your mercy shine.

But though the hounds and vultures of the Netherworld surround,

You lift me to visions divine.

But though hosts of fiends seek to rend my spirit asunder,

My soul is for hands of Thine.

But though every power, terror, horror of Hell, around,

I stay a branch, You the Vine.

Through failure, defect, and fault,

You, My God, my soul exalts.

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