The Dangers of God's Grace

Since middle-school, I had been very fond of swimming, particularly racing. I prided myself on being the fastest free-style and backstroke swimmer on the team, and winning first place in races was a common occurrence. One meet, however, the coaches had signed me up for my usual free-style and backstroke events, but also on my list of race events was the butterfly stroke race. This was a problem: I had never swam butterfly.

Sure, we had done some practice with it, but I never possessed the proper coordination to make it more than a few meters before I was doggie-paddling. I approached the starting blocks, shaken with fear of not only losing the race, but possibly not even finishing. Silently, I prayed to God that I should at least finish the race, let alone not drown in my attempt.

I not only finished, but I earned first place. It's difficult to convince anyone that the occurrence of this result was a miracle, but to me, it's profoundly clear that it was. Whatever grace I received was accompanied by the unsettling fear of failure before and a consequently very sore and worn-out body afterwards. In this instance, God's grace had been a painful experience.

"The Calling of the Apostles Peter and Andrew"
by Duccio di Buoninsegna

Today's gospel provides Luke's account of the first meeting between Christ and Peter. A few weeks ago, I published a post on the struggle with habitual sin and proper contrition for them, and I cited the example of Peter's initial encounter with Christ in the gospel of Luke. They meet on the shores of the Sea of Galilee and Christ instructs Peter to cast out to open water and lower his nets. Peter, having caught nothing at night, remained doubtful with the success of this course of action, but he acquiesced anyway. Once the nets had been lowered, the catch of fish was so great that their nets began to tear and even with the help of a second boat, they were both in danger of sinking.

First, receiving God's grace only takes a simple "yes". Peter's dubious "yes" led to an incredible catch of fish. Mary's simple, yet perfect "yes" opened her to the conception of the very Son of God. On the mountain, the young boy's "yes" to providing the few loaves and the fishes he possessed led to the feeding of five thousand people with some to spare. Our gifts may be small, but in cooperation with God, miracles become possible. Most people have heard of this aspect of God's grace (or have experienced it for themselves). It is definitely a wonderful blessing to realize this and acknowledge it in our lives.

However, what you don't hear is that sometimes, God's grace may nearly kill us with its intensity. In the today's second reading, Paul refers to his conversion story of being cast off his horse simply at the sound of Christ's voice, and in the Gospel, Peter and his fellow fishermen nearly drowned as a result of an incredible catch of fish. In both circumstances, God's grace manifested itself in violent, threatening ways. These accounts challenge a common notion that God's grace is always quiet or subtle because sometimes, the furious power of God's grace comes to us in these "life(style)-threatening" situations.

Focusing on the Gospel account, the fishermen's nets were tearing, the boat was capsizing, and the human help of the second boat could not even alleviate the sheer enormity of God's grace. Similarly when we encounter His grace, the nets of our vices will be torn through and our lives, it seems, will be in danger of sinking and drowning. The manner in which we have allowed ourselves to just "float" through life will be shaken to such a degree that in order to be set right, we will be confronted with the reality of that very real danger of death to our lifestyles, If we're open to it, God's dangerous graces will "kill us", but our death will be a "death to self" and our rebirth will be in His divine love. Our sins and depravities will be put to death and all that will remain is our charity. 

"The Conversion of St. Paul" by Francesco Mazzola

So why is God's grace sometimes so violent in this fashion? Grace must necessarily purify us. In today's first reading, Isaiah had a hot coal placed on his mouth. In the second reading, St. Paul was cast from his horse and blinded. In the Gospel, Peter's physical strength fails him and even with the help of his companions, he is filled with fear of a drowning death. Each of these men were flawed and each received the cleansing gift of God's grace. However, just as Purgatory prepares us to see God face to face by a painful purification, God's grace to these sinful men is so great that in their fallen nature, they perceive it to be painful. To eyes that have never seen the sunlight, even the slightest ray of sunshine is blindingly painful, but once the eyes become accustomed to the goodness of the illumination around them, they rejoice at that purifying grace which was once excruciating.

How often do we allow ourselves to experience this fearful level of grace in our lives? Do we shirk away from it for fear of braving the danger to our lifestyles? There is a significant amount of dying-to-oneself that we all need to do in our lives, and if we avoid this death, we will always be devoid of God's greatest graces and blessings. But if we are open to that painfully purifying grace in our daily lives, we are given a blessed opportunity to suffer with the Suffering Servant, the Crucified Christ.

The Lost World of Children

"BOYS! Look away!" my mother said, sternly.

Immediately, I obediently scrunched my eyes shut and turned my face to my skinny, boyish legs. I wasn't missing anything important, my mom would always tell me. Sometimes, I would become curious and try to catch a glimpse, but Mom would have none of it. She made sure that each of the boys had their eyes shut and faces turned away.

A brief moment later, the passionate kiss between the film's main characters had ended, and I was allowed to resume watching.

A kiss? Seriously? Were you home-schooled or something? That's nothing compared to the other stuff out there!

Yes, it was just a mildly zealous kiss between a man and a woman, but I thank God every day for the first woman who taught me to value affection and guard my heart. It's true, I have not always been good at it. I have never stopped trying though, hoping one day to return to that childlike innocence.

Can one reclaim that innocence that we sacrifice over age and experience? In Genesis, Adam and Eve ate of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. They did so willingly because their pride directed them to challenge the only restriction that God placed upon them.* So after their sin, could Adam and Eve re-enter the Garden of Eden? Could they return to the paradise of blissful innocence? No, they could not, and because of original sin, neither can we. There is no going back, and what is gone is gone now for good.

Last weekend at Mass was Scout's week, and before the Final Blessing, the pastor distributed a good Christian award to 15 young Cub Scouts for completing the merit requirements. The boys, no older than 10 years old, processed from their pew towards the front to the side of the sanctuary, but as they did, I noticed that the last boy was wearing jeans that had the pant hem ending awkwardly right above is skinny ankles. No doubt, the poor kid was beginning to hit his growth spurt. And at that instant, my heart wept for him.

In his innocence, he was oblivious to what lay ahead of him. He has no idea that in a short time, his boyish heart will be violated and assaulted by a cruel society, intent on stealing that precious gift. It will be gone forever, and if he values virtue, he will weep for this loss as I do. In that moment, I made a quiet, but urgent prayer for the safety of their hearts, now and in the future. I prayed that they might desire to become virtuous and upstanding men and that this award might be the first step in that direction.

And it's not just for boys that I worry about: I worry for the girls. They will be abused, objectified and disrespected to a degree lower than animals. Any semblance of integrity will be challenged and lost in the hormone-driven high school and college years by the "skin race", an escalation of how much they can bare for a boy's hungry eyes. A frightening thing is that most girls never realize this, but the most disturbing thing is that even if they realize it, they may never have the courage to reclaim their dignity and restore their innocence.

However, I do not believe all is lost with the departure of childlike innocence. St. John in the Book of Revelations writes:

"And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Behold, the dwelling of God is with men. He will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself will be with them; he will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain any more, for the former things have passed away." And he who sat upon the throne said, "Behold, I make all things new." (Revelation 21:3-5).

Christ has taken what was, and he has fulfilled it and glorified it. He took a human body, made filthy and a vehicle for immorality by Man, and glorified it in the Resurrection. He took on a human heart, made bitter and selfish by Man’s sin, and glorified it, making it an eternal model of perfect charity. Christ makes these things, and all things new and better. Therefore, it is Christ who has made our innocence new.

With that statement, two things are important to realize. First, this is not something we can do alone, for Christ works on this through us. This innocence is a unmerited gift that God gives to those who are open to receiving it. Therefore, its attainment is not directly related to any effort that I make to achieve it; rather, my effort to remain in God’s holy grace and foster a real relationship with Christ is what will open me to this gift.

Second, because our childlike innocence is made new and glorified by our struggle, it is better than the innocence of the child. Just as the resurrected body is more perfect than our sinful body, the glorified innocence renewed by Christ is more perfect than that given to Adam and Eve in Eden. This is because we have chosen it for ourselves and the longevity of this resolution, through struggle and toil, confirms this choice with greater glory and rewards, both temporal and eternal.

It will always be a challenge to every man, young or old, to seek and find that holy innocence renewed by Christ, but once discovered, it will chase away our fears, replaced by a lasting peace that we will carry with us  until our deaths and into Eternal Glory.

Schedule Killed the Action/Adventure Star

I use Google Calendar every day. It's incredibly handy and helpful, and all my appointments and events are on there. With alerts, I can be reminded of events that I might otherwise forget. I have separate calendars for my different kinds of events (birthdays, fitness training, etc.) The plethora of different views allows me to see my schedule in any way I might (or might never) want.

I hate Google Calendar. And any kind of calendar/schedule-maker that is easy to use. If it's easy to use, people will use it, and with calendars and schedule-makers, that just won't do.

The Face of Boredom

When you have a schedule, you subtly believe you know what is going to happen during your day. You set the events of your day and you move from one appointment to the next, one task to the next, and one pre-planned moment to the next. It's true that society could hardly function without schedules, but it's just a cultural symptom of our obsession with productivity and efficiency.

This is bad for two reasons: First, because your day is "planned", nothing new or exciting can happen. You know the sequence of events (in fact, you have determined most of them). You become the ultimate master of your own destiny and therefore, there are no surprises.

Second reason: how mind-numbingly boring is that? The chief problem afflicting our culture today is not poverty, hunger, or filthy interstate rest stops... it's boredom. When we use a schedule to line up every minute detail of their days, weeks, years, and lives, we perpetuate this heinous evil and rob ourselves of engaging stimulation.

Maybe each day feels the same because they ARE the same.
"Well, what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn't one today."

For most people with schedules, each day feels exactly the same. It's like you know what's going to happen tomorrow. In corporate America, a select few people have truly exciting jobs, but for the rest of us, it can be a drudge. If you're expecting  the same unexciting day as yesterday, what are you looking forward to? Tomorrow will come and go, and you might ask yourself why do you really care?

Maybe we like schedules to feel in control of our lives. In an effort to be certain of as many things as possible, we plan our lives as a sequence of calender events and appointment invites. It's like giving someone a wrapped gift that you picked out. They may have no idea what's inside, but you do. For that reason, there is no surprise for you. Imagine always giving people wrapped gifts and never receiving one yourself.

What is this ultimately taking a toll on? Reliance on schedules negatively affects our ability to be spontaneous and adventurous that romantically invaluable skill. Imagination is the heart and soul of spontaneity. A common error is to believe that one must be erratic or impulsive to be spontaneous. However, it is imagination that gives the human soul the agility to be spontaneous. But there are few things that kill imagination, and consequently spontaneity, more than pre-planning your life and relying on rigid structures. Consequently, we become slaves to our schedules, both self-imposed and imposed from the outside.

Spontaneity also has a profound influence on one's courage. When an unexpected opportunity or challenge arrives, our ability to rise to it will be diminished, just because it does not fit into whatever we expected. Life is meant for action, and courage is what enables us to take appropriate action in any circumstance. Without courage, we miss out on life's rewards. Life is not always pre-canned or predetermined, and the most critical moments in life are usually those ones that are not planned or expected. Most of us don't need to chase after tanks on horseback or stop an alien invasion or escape from an island of genetically-engineer dinosaurs to satisfy our spirit of adventure and test our courage (if you do, you might be a fictional character), but that courage and adventurousness needs to be reclaimed.

Seize the moment. Push yourself to heroics. Do not settle for blindly following the established order, and do not be afraid to throw the schedule out and blaze your own trail!

I'll bet Indiana Jones didn't schedule this... and he turned out just fine.

“Smells ‘n Bells” VS “Drums ‘n Chums”

As a Roman Catholic, I have been to many Masses in my lifetime. The majority have been your typical, run-of-the-mill parish Sunday Masses or your quick daily Masses, but I’ve also been to youth Masses, Novus Ordo Latin Masses, Tridentine (Pre-Vatican II) Latin Masses, and even Masses involving people collapsing into tears and wailing after receiving Communion.

That being said, I would like to discuss what I perceive to be two different “styles” of the Holy Mass. The first is one I’ve referred to here as “smells ‘n bells” (which alludes to the frequent use of incense and the bells that are rung at the moment of the Consecration), which one might consider to be orthodox. A Latin Mass is a perfect example of a “smells ‘n bells” Mass, but many vernacular Masses will also neatly fall into this category. Each piece of music is referred to as a “hymn” and the primary instrument is the organ. With these details, I am assured that the reader has been to a Mass of this sort before, so I will not spend any more time on describing it. For brevity’s sake, I will hereafter refer to this as the solemn Mass.

Blessed Pope John Paul II at World Youth Day

Second, there is the style of Mass that I refer to as the “drums ‘n chums” Mass (which refers to the frequent use of rock drums sets and the emphasis on the community of those in attendance). The style is largely attributed to the influence of Blessed Pope John Paul II and his institution of World Youth Day. From what I know of its history, the youth Mass was a method to attract young people who had no firm foundation of faith to the sacrament of the Eucharist. Thus, its execution is less conservative and of a higher energy. Guitars and drums belt out songs that focus primarily on the greatness of God and worshiping him. I will define this and refer to this as the youth Mass.

Most of the time, the style in which Mass is celebrated is a blend of these two and most people have a preference for one style over another, but it is my perception that a large number of faithful Catholics have strongly critical opinions about one or the other. Of the solemn Mass style, people say that it is too boring which makes it difficult to pay attention. Another frequent complaint is that the priest’s homilies are too difficult to follow or contain content irrelevant to them. Of the youth Mass, common criticisms are that the Mass becomes more like a social hangout spot where kids go to see their friends instead of going to receive Christ. Also, the sign of peace lasts fifteen minutes and everyone is so "touchy-feely".

So which is better? The goal of faith is to increase in it. Ultimately, the more faith we place in Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, the better our lives will be and the better life after death will be. Anything that keeps us from increasing our faith must be discarded and a solution to this blockage should be discovered.

It is no mystery to any observant Catholic that generations of Catholics since the 1960’s have been without firm foundations for faith. John Paul II saw this crisis around the entire world, so he began World Youth Day to draw the youth of the world to Christ, and the concept of the youth Mass spun off of that. Had the Church said, “Well, we really can’t do anything for these people because that would involve adapting the Mass and our approach towards apostolate to a degree we’re not comfortable with,” that would have been an obstacle to the Church’s increase in faith, and an evil.

A youth Mass

The youth Mass has to attract young people, while staying true to its purpose. Why is the youth Mass emotionally appealing? For many people with emotional baggage, there are significant obstacles from their past lives that have to be overcome before a deep faith can be achieved. It is OK to be on fire with Christ’s love, after all. Why does the youth Mass seem to place an emphasis on relationship with one another in community? Many people are unaware of the unity of the Body of Christ, made up of the members of the Church. Society encourages individuality and rejects community, so it's very important that people realize that they are part of something bigger and more amazing than just them. Also, emphasizing healthy, virtuous relationships with one another is a step towards fostering a close, loving relationship with Christ.

However, many youth Mass attendees that I have known stop there. They get into a routine of going to youth Mass every Sunday and hearing the music and seeing their friends, but they do not look inward to discover if there is anything more that they’re missing. Truth is, they’re missing 2000 years of Church history and tradition. They could be missing doctrine and teaching on Mary, the lives and writings of the saints, and the other sacraments that are vital to a flourishing life of faith (just to name a few). They stay where they’re at because they are comfortable there and no one tells them otherwise. This is also an obstacle to the Church’s increase in faith, so it is also an evil.

Tridentine Mass

A return to the solemn Mass is the answer. The solemn Mass moves beyond the secularly appealing aspects of the youth Mass and focuses intently on deep theological truths of our faith. These truths are by no means those you would only find in a PhD theology program; rather, they are those deep aspects of Christ, His Mother Mary, and His Church that we are called to contemplate. The solemn Mass removes the guitars, drums, buddies, and girlfriends, and places the individual in a chapel with a monstrance containing the Blessed Sacrament, alone in mental prayer and Adoration. Ultimately, the Mass is meant to draw us to Christ and, in doing this, to one another; not the other way around. The Church allows for the secular noise to which we are accustomed with the hopes that in a desire to grow more deeply in faith, we will cast off the training wheels by doing things like spending Holy Hours with the Blessed Sacrament, reciting the Rosary, and going to silent retreats for contemplation.

The solemn Mass fulfills the purpose of the youth Mass. It is a channel through which we may pass in our relationship with Christ that speaks to us in terms that we are initially comfortable with. As our desire to more fully know Christ matures, we must also work to mature our faith and contemplate those deep mysteries of the Divine Love.

Graphic Credits:
catholicseeking.blogspot.com
becketyouth.org

traditioninaction.org

sttimothy.pipertechnology.com

Maybellene: A Young Man's Car

This post is a portion of a larger untitled work in progress and a continuation of the previously published post, My First Car ...

Having driven my car for nearly nine months now, I can honestly and realistically notice those personality traits that make her special. I say ‘her’ because all cars driven by young men must be feminine, and her name is Maybellene. It had taken me nine months to arrive at this name, but it was well worth the wait. Unique and memorable, I named her after the Chuck Berry song of the same title, which in turn acquired its name from the popular cosmetic brand. It was Berry’s first rock and roll hit and was influential in developing the genre.

Just as the song lyrics suggest however, there are a few problems with Maybellene. Although her exterior is sleek and her upholstery is sexy red leather, the rest of the interior is made of plastic. Well, one has to cut costs somewhere, but the areas of primary concern are the door handles, both inside and outside. Without a doubt, they will see the most wear and tear of the entire car, so it would only have been fitting if they were made of a more durable material. And in the frozen winter, between the ice forming on the outside handles and the increased brittleness, one must be very gentle.

Maybellene’s sunroof is also a constant source of her infidelity. The mechanism works well enough, but it is the shutter on the inside of the car that fails to operate properly. It is made from two separate pieces of board, one sliding over the other when opened. However, Hyundai somehow made this design very unreliable as the two pieces frequently came apart and jammed the whole mechanism. Thus, the sunroof has not seen as much use as I would like.

Another cosmetic issue with poor Maybellene is a circular piece of plastic that has come apart in her headlight. Originally, the ornamental ring was fixed around the low beam headlight, but it had never been fully fixed to the bezel since I got her. In an attempt to correct this, the entire piece came loose and began to roll freely within the epoxy sealed headlight. After hours of fruitless attempts to return the piece to its original place without breaking the moisture-proof epoxy seal between the lens and the bezel, I only succeeded in scratching the plastic ring and the bezel with a rusty coat hanger. 

Of comparable sports cars, Maybellene has the sportiest form I have ever seen by far. However, sportiness makes the driver sacrifice ride comfort. The suspension of the car feels pretty shoddy, though I am not sure what else I would expect from a sports car built for high-responsiveness, grip, and performance. A lot of the times, the ride does not bother me significantly, but from time to time, roads have not been properly made. Rough roads always cause me significant worry about what kind of damage is being done to my poor Maybellene.

Finally, there is the sad fact that Maybellene only has a four-speed gear box. One arrives at 45 mph and jumping into 4th gear, that’s all she has for you. You’re up at 3000 rpm, then 3500 rpm, then 4000 rpm, and there’s just no next gear. This is probably for the best, though. I’m pretty sure I’d have more than two speeding tickets if I had been given even one more gear to tempt me.

"Maybellene" on the day I got her

These foibles make Maybellene a real car, though; for no car is without her faults. It gives the machine a personality and a temperament, but despite these shortcomings, the most influential factors on the car’s persona are those that make you fall in love again, just like the day you got it.

I suppose I cannot say enough about the leather interior. It gives Maybellene that sultry debonairness that is tailor fit for young men. The “black widow” red-black color scheme assures you that if Maybellene is going to be the one to kill you, she’s going to do it with both visually-pleasing and sensational fashion in a James Dean-esque ball of fire, and the red leather interior plus bucket seats has much to do with that embracing experience.

Something else that is evident about Maybellene is that she’s not a mother or a nanny: she’s just a girl. She warns you that your seat belt might be off, but she is not incessant about the reminder, just a couple chimes of sweet concern for a few seconds. She knows you’re an independent man and she cannot tell you to do something when you don’t want to do it. She’s just not the nagging type.

Though I mentioned Maybellene’s limited four-speed gear box earlier as a regrettable idiosyncrasy of hers, I must also mention that it is a “select-shift” four-speed gear box, which makes all the difference. Sometimes, a man like me wants to be in complete control, but I’d rather not get embroiled in the minor details. Take operating a clutch, for instance: it is a detail about manual transmission automobiles that I have never handled with any amount of grace or success because I do not care to give it that much attention. With the select-shift mode, I let Maybellene handle those little details, and I just concern myself with shifting down on the tight corner, hunkering down to zip right into the ensuing straight-away.

It is often said that a young man’s first car is his first step to independence and freedom; that with this car, he was proceeding from boyhood to manhood. Therefore, it was important to choose this first car wisely, despite frequently constraining financial means, because this car was going to mean something sentimental to the driver, no matter how appalling or flawed. Maybellene, though, has proven a true companion, one with whom my adrenaline-fueled, thrill-seeking, speed-craving young life will be better spent. 

The Philosophical Basics of the Resurrection

Courtesy of WikiPaintings.org

Probably of all my classes at Our Lady’s University, none had me more attentive than my course on St. Thomas Aquinas’ account of human nature, taught by Dr. John O’Callaghan. Unfortunately, this was my first formal exposure to the philosophy of St. Thomas, and as a 4000 level course, I do not think I got the most out of it. I had taken a course on Aristotle’s ethical theory the semester before, but though these two great minds were similar in worldview, Aristotle’s pagan terminology and approach was nowhere near a proper introduction to Thomas’ intellectually mammoth rational constructions.

Despite this, I did benefit from this study, and as I have only and always been interested in acquiring the truth and never in spouting off any philosopher’s theories word-for-word, this was not an insignificant benefit. One thing that really fascinated me during my study of Aquinas’ philosophy of human nature was in terms of the resurrection.

As is the relationship between theology and philosophy, divine revelation can invariably be confirmed by human reason. The saying, “philosophy is the handmaiden of theology” springs to mind. Basically, if our understanding were to be laid out on a line spectrum with things we know from human reason and things we know from divine revelation, each would generally lie on either side of the spectrum and there would be a gap in between. This gap represents our lack of full understanding of the higher bits of knowledge, specifically those things divinely revealed to us, creating what we call “mysteries”. Divine revelation gives us those truths that would otherwise be impossible to reach solely with our own reason, though these truths are coherent with our own human reason. Everything divinely revealed can be confirmed with the same human reason that we use to work a math problem or organize a closet or make a gourmet meal.

The resurrection of the body promised by Christ at his Second Coming is just one of those things that, with a little Thomistic ontology, is completely reasonable to believe, though the particulars certainly remain a mystery. First, it is important to remember that we are human beings (don’t forget that definition), and “human being” is defined as a living body animated by a rational, immortal soul. Therefore, it is accurate to say that when John dies, John (the unified human being) ceases to exist because his soul is separated from his body. However, John’s essence, his soul, is immortal and survives the body.

So our soul lives on, separated from our body which decays and fades away with time. At this point, do our souls just remain in Heaven? It is eternal beatitude, after all, so what more could we want or need? Why does Christ promise that our souls will be reunited with our bodies in the Resurrection? Is that really necessary after achieving eternal beatitude?

I certainly cannot say what is divinely necessary, but I can definitely say that it’s perfectly reasonable that I should be reunited with my body after I die. In the state after death, our human nature is divided: our soul is in Heaven and our decomposing body remains on earth. But since we were created as human beings (body and soul) and not as angels who are purely spiritual and incorporeal beings, it would seem a little odd that we should spend eternity in such a divided state, especially when our bodies are an intrinsic part of our own creation and being. (if they were not, why should we bother caring for them in this life?)

As an analogy to illustrate this, a free-floating balloon is caught by a child and tied down. The balloon’s natural destiny is to float away into the sky, but here, it is separated from that destination and tied to the ground. If the balloon was meant to remain close to earth, why was it filled with a lighter-than-air gas to begin with? Similarly, it is our natural destiny to be unified, soul and body. When we die, our soul is separated from our body and allowed to take root in Heaven. If this were the end of the story, then why did God create us with bodies in the first place? It seems perfectly natural to believe, then, that the destiny of our human nature is to be unified, body and soul, in eternal beatitude with God after the Resurrection.

So our use of human reason confirms the revelation of the Resurrection. I am not suggesting that while in Heaven after death, we will in some way miss our physical bodies or feel uncomfortable without them. This would suggest that eternal beatitude is deficient in some way. But as it has been revealed to the human race, Divine Justice promises to return us to our bodies at the end of time, and this is at the very least is something we can partially understand.

Habitual Sins and Contrition

"The Miraculous Draught of Fishes" by Raphael

When one deals with a habitual sin, it can be difficult to arrive at proper contrition. True contrition necessitates that you reject the sin and resolve to never commit it again; however, because of our fallen nature, it is not unlikely that despite our best intentions, we will succumb to temptation and descend into that sin again. We acknowledge this in an attempt to be realistic about ourselves and the situation, but often it gives the effect of despair. The past is gloomy from those sins already committed, the present is dark because we are still committing the sin, and the future looms ominously because this is a habitual sin and the temptation, at least, will most certainly occur again.

What should our outlook be under these circumstances? It is possible the habitual sinner will equate the occurrence of the temptation with the occurrence of the sin itself, assuming the success of the devil’s efforts and an inevitable fall from a state of grace. In this sense, the sinner has already ‘given up’ trying to break the chain of sin formed by habit.

However, the past is only an indication of the trials we will face and not a determination of our future actions. We can certainly look to the past to ascertain the obstacles of the future and even learn from our past failures in terms of what aided us or hindered us from clearing those hurdles.  Though, it is not true that because we have stumbled over the same obstacle again and again, we are incapable of achieving breaks in the chain. It is definitely a slow process and success will be elusive at the beginning, but we must be careful to not assume the devil’s triumph, just because he tempts us.

Therefore, we return to the question of contrition: what should be the elements of our contrition, especially for the difficult case of habitual sins? Peter told Christ, “Depart from me, O Lord, for I am a sinful man.” (Luke 5:8) This certainly seems like despair at first glance, but Peter’s desire to be with Christ is so strong that at his invitation, he leaves everything to follow him. He was so eager to be with Jesus that despite his unworthiness, he was willing to give up all he owned to be with him.

So on the one hand, we must acknowledge our unworthiness; for the slightest sin, much less a habitual sin committed several times, without God’s mercy is enough to damn us to Hell forever. This acknowledgement must not, however, prohibit us from recognizing the profound, all-consuming desire we have for Christ. We may need to apologize seventy times seven times, but we must never cease to proclaim our love for him who loved us so much as to give his life for us. In our sorrow, we must beat our breasts lamenting, “mea culpa” then shout joyously, “Gloria in excelsis Deo!” for His Divine Mercy.